For a while, I thought I had cured myself of my horrible luck, but today I was reminded that I am not a lucky person, and I probably never will be.
There is a certain misfortune that strikes me at the end of every semester. Whenever I need to focus the most, life slaps me in the face and says something along the lines of, “You thought you were going to study for your 40% final tomorrow? Silly, you!”
I began today with amazing intentions. My books were laid out. I was up early. I had breakfast, went for a run, showered, and sat down at my books before 11am hit! Go me!
Well, I got about an hour and a half of hardcore studying in before crisis hit, and now I’ve been crying on and off ever since, and have reached what I feel might be a new low. For the past 6 hours, I just haven’t been able to force myself back into caring about Aggregate Supply and Demand and the impacts of Monetary or Fiscal Policy.
No one’s to blame for this. I just can’t seem to catch a break with finals, and needed to rant.
I feel like there is a lesson in this somewhere, but I have yet to uncover it.
Maybe if I could learn to turn myself into a self-centred, uncaring, stone of a human-being, all would be good.
I was listening to the radio some weeks ago, and there was some claimed “relationship expert” giving some sort of brief talk. Then she began discussing an elderly couple that had just celebrated their 75th wedding anniversary. I started to pay attention when she began to share with listeners the advice that the old woman had passed along.
Forgive me for misquoting and not remembering exactly what was said, but it was something along these lines:
1) Don’t go to bed angry.
2) Make some time for romance every single day.
3) You have to love the way they smell.
Now, the first two seem obvious. Admit it, you’ve probably heard them a million times before. However, that last one … really? After all those years, that makes the top three for advice?
At the time I kind of chuckled about it to myself as I drove home from work, and tucked it into the back of my mind under “random trivia “. I never thought much about until a few days later, I got off the plane in Guadalajara and found myself in my boyfriend’s arms with my face buried in his shoulder, taking in his wonderful smell. Even then, I kind of laughed about it, but didn’t think much about it.
Then moments ago, I put on a shirt that I hadn’t worn since I was in Mexico, and it smelled of him. Instantly, I started crying.
I haven’t felt sadness for weeks, but now here I am wiping away tears because the smell of some t-shirt washed at his home reminded me just how much I miss him.
So, although I once found the advice to be trivial, now I truly believe that it is some of the best advice she could have given.
Some time early last year, I came to the realization that I was miserable. I hated my job, I hated my life, and I hated the person that I was. Where I was once excited to tell people about my endeavours, and where I once possessed a passion for life and drive to accomplish something, I was now embarrassed to share what I was doing with the people I met. I held no pride, no ambition, and I felt directionless.
This just did not work for me, and instead of allowing this vicious cycle to continue, I decided to take action and change myself. I embarked on what I have come to refer to as my “Quest for Self-Betterment”. I looked for all the things that I didn’t like about my life, and I started to change them. It all started with me picking up a book that I had been trying to read for months and finishing it. Then I decided that my passport needed some stamps on it. Then I decided that I didn’t take enough risks in life. Then I decided that my job was killing me slowly.
Now, somewhere along the line, I must have done something right because I am presently the happiest that I have ever been.
In the past year, I travelled to Mexico for a trip with my University, and I met the man of my dreams. I have since eaten authentic Mexican food, garnered a basic working knowledge of the Spanish language, and learned the valuable personality trait of patience. I met a great girl who invited me to spend two weeks with her in France. I got to stroll through La Louvre, behold Notre-Dame, and take in the beauty of the gardens at Versailles. I walked through Times Square, across the Brooklyn Bridge, and through The Met. I drank cosmos in Manhattan, and saw Chicago on Broadway. I walked along the River Thames, ate Fish and Chips at an English pub, and rode on a double-decker bus.
When I think of all the amazing people that I have met in the last year, all the places that I’ve been, and all the things I’ve seen, I feel as though I am the luckiest girl in the world. This year is going to have to work very hard to top the one that I just had.
But, what I have learned from this whirlwind year is this: You are the one who is in control. If you want to see a change in your life, you are the one who has the power to do that. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I don’t believe in fate, I don’t believe in chance, and I don’t believe in waiting for life to sweep you off your feet. What I do believe is that opportunities present themselves in ways that can go unnoticed if you’re not willing to take a risk.
In the wise words of Mahatma Ghandi: Be the change you want to see in the world.
This Christmas marked a major first in my life: my first Christmas away from home.
It was really hard for my family, and much more than expected, it was really hard on me. I cried a little bit on Christmas Eve, which is normally when I bake with my grandma in preparation for our Christmas dinner. I held it together when I sat on Skype with my family as they were all gathered together to celebrate the holiday, but as soon as I hung up, I burst into tears again. I cried on Christmas morning, and made long-distance phone calls to both my parents to wish them each a Merry Christmas.
I have never really been huge on traditions. If anything, I am the one in my family that pushes for change and adaptation. But for some reason, this year, I was dying for the mashed potatoes and carrots that has been my vegetarian turkey dinner for the past 8 years, I wanted naniamo bars and home baked butter tarts, I wanted to listen to lousy Christmas music, and complain that we never get a white Christmas while dumping the mandarine orange out of the toe of my stocking.
This year, I didn’t get any of that … because, this year, I had Christmas in Mexico.
Many of the traditions were completely the same. There was the standard family dinner where everyone gathers to celebrate and eat more food than their stomaches can actually hold. We spent most of our time playing cards and board games. We drank more than was entirely necessary. In all reality, my significant other’s Christmas dinner wasn’t any different than mine … except for one little thing … his is in Spanish, mine is in English.
The feeling I had from being there was the same as if I were at home. Even though my Spanish is rudimentary, I still felt completely welcome. I could feel the happiness and the love in the room. They talked and they laughed, not unlike my family was doing back home. It was truly an amazing thing to see, and I loved every minute of it. Most of all, I loved that I was able to share such a special day with someone who is so important to me, and I loved that he was able to share all of his family traditions with me.
Next year, when we spend Christmas here in Canada with my family, I hope I can return the favour. I want him to feel as welcome at my Christmas as I did at his.
This morning I received the terrible news that you passed away. I cried. Although I knew that it meant your suffering had come to an end, I couldn’t help but think about all the amazing things that you did for my family, my friends and myself. That is what brought the tears: knowing that I would never be able to say these words to you.
You were an incredible inspiration for me. If it wasn’t for you, my passion for knowledge would probably still be sitting suppressed inside of me. I never would have considered applying for university if you hadn’t put the thought in my head at the most appropriate time. I never would have discovered my love for performing arts. I never would have composed and performed my own work. And, if it wasn’t for your pushing, my leadership potential would have sat undiscovered, and I would still be massively introverted.
You had the innate ability to push each and every one of your students just outside their comfort zone to show them what they could accomplish when they put their minds to it. What’s more, once their comfort zone had been successfully expanded, you would push again, and watch as each and every one of us flourished in our new domain.
Stepping outside of one’s comfort zone is a scary thing to do, especially when you’re in your teen years. When you first made me do it, I was 15 years old, and I will never forget: I was sitting in my 10th grade English class, and you came up to me and said, “You are my Assistant Director this year.” Then you turned and walked away. You didn’t give me the opportunity to refuse the position, knowing full that I would have said no if given the opportunity. I was a quiet and introverted student. How was I going to direct a cast and crew of fifty or something students that didn’t know who I was? Nevertheless, I did it. It was the first time that I had been given a serious leadership role, and it was an amazing experience.
That was one of many times you made me do things that I never thought I could, like: writing my own monologues in drama class, or gathering the bravery to perform a song that I had written for a group of my peers, or applying for scholarships, or getting into a great university … the list goes on.
If it hadn’t been for your tremendous influence in my life, I would not be the person that I am today. For that, I must thank you. From the bottom of my heart, with every ounce of my soul: Thank you. You are a wonderful human being who will forever live on in my heart, and the hearts of every student who has had the pleasure of having you in as a part of their life. Without you a large number of us would not be here. You got us through those tough times by showing us the bigger picture, and by shedding light on what we couldn’t see ourselves. You showed us that life will always go on, and that we had the potential to make it whatever we wanted it to be.
You inspired me and taught me so much more than a book ever could. You taught me about life, myself, and how to push myself to be the best that I can be, always, no matter how hard it is …
When I returned from Paris in September, I was hard up for cash. So as soon as I recovered from being horrendously ill, I frantically searched for a second job to supplement my income as a Barista at Starbucks. I came across a posting on Craigslist looking for people who were interested in tutoring high school kids. It seemed like an excellent way to earn some extra cash, so I jumped on it and was hired almost immediately.
It has now been three months of working with students in Grade 8 & 9 in subjects of Math, Science, English and French, and holy smokes, I never imagined how rewarding it could be. Not only have I had a girl thank me for helping her get the best mark she has ever gotten on a math test, and had another girl tell me that I am the only person to ever make sense out of work problems for her, and another girl tell me that I was so much more helpful than her last tutor, I have been re-exposed to a lot of information that I haven’t touched since I was 14 years old.
Today, I was rediscovering Grade 9 Biology.
My most recent assignment was to a girl in the French Immersion program who is really struggling with Science (in French). Now, I’ll be honest, I hated science in high school with the deepest of passions. As soon as I never had to touch Biology ever again, I was the happiest kid in the world. So, when my employer begged me to take on this student, I was haunted by that, and a little reluctant. However, he was in a pickle because of the French aspect and really needed my help. So I sucked it up, took on the challenge, and now here I am … studying mitosis.
Now, never in a million years would I have expected what I am about to tell you … I am enjoying it! Seriously, the stuff that I hated as a kid, is super interesting to me as an adult!
So, what I have learned from this – Always revisit the things you hated as a kid. Whether it’s asparagus or biology, you may find that you’ve come to acquire a taste for it.
I am a really ambitious person, who is partnered in life with another extremely ambitious person. It’s great. Our dreams are huge, and I know that we’re going to have an amazing life together. However, we have a wee little problem at the moment: we live in two different countries about 5000kms from one another. For the past 6 months we have been trying to figure out how we can get our lives to mesh together into the same country.
I decided that I could put my academic career on hold and move my butt to Guadalajara for a while and teach English until he graduated. He decided that he would move his butt to Canada as soon as he graduated, and we would live here until I finished my Bachelors and then we could apply to schools together in the UK.
There you go. We’re all good.
Or so we thought.
First, I had an internal crisis after looking at how close I was to graduation and decided that it would be best for me to stay in Canada for those four months instead of spending time in Guadalajara. I would graduate sooner, and we would be free to pursue our Grad/Post-Grad dreams abroad. Plus, if I did make the move to Mexico, I would have been completely reliant on him for everything (translation, transportation and socialization) during the time he was supposed to be working on his Graduate Thesis, and I couldn’t bare the thought of that.
So, I am enrolling in classes next semester, quitting my barista job, and getting my degree ASAP.
On to part two: he was going to move here next summer after he presented his thesis. So, even if I couldn’t be in Mexico for the Spring, at least we knew that we would finally be together come May.
Then he got offered a contract ending in May, which he accepted. Then he started facing university politics, which has pushed back the research for his thesis. Not to mention the fact that he’s having a hard time finding a job that he would be passionate about in Vancouver.
So, we had a long talk and decided that it might be best for us to not push the goal of living together too hard. Yes, it is what we want to ultimately achieve, but in the meantime, we both have a lot more on our plates right now, and if we want to be truly happy together, we have to accommodate each other’s passions.
Now, it may seem like we’re each being a little bit selfish in our own ways. It might seem like I’m just afraid to take the risk to move to another country, but in reality I’m afraid that I’ll go, fall in love with it, and never want to come back here, which will leave my Bachelor’s Degree unfinished. He might seem like he’s unwilling to get any job to pay the bills just to be with me, when in fact he just wants to continue building his career so he has more opportunities in the future.
We’re thinking for the long-term and trying to build a solid footing. We know that we’re going to end up together, one way or another, we just don’t know when. We’re okay with that. We’re doing everything we can to turn our dream into a reality … one day.
So, in closing, enjoy these immortal words from The Supremes, and always remember to make the right decision, even if it’s the harder choice to make. Remember that it will pay off in the end.
